I’m a co-parent of a 2 year old and a 4 year old. I have a lot going on. I am called to share two parenting truths and a meditation practice that helped me become a better parent and deeply connect with my children.
I don’t know about you but I tend to make subconscious assumptions about my kids behaving in a way I encourage. Or I expect them to demonstrate behaviors they had already learned. Oh boy! Can you imagine my past disappointments when my 4 year old was just simply not in the mood and refused to brush her teeth? We brush her teeth every night… Yet, time and time again, she simply just tests that boundary with all her might.
Setting an expectation that our children behave consistently is probably one of the worst expectations I can think of. I’ve come to recognize all human beings, including my children, as fleeting moments of truths. One second, my 2 year old wants cuddles and to charge up on daddy safety, and the next he runs off doing summersaults or chasing his sister. Kids moods, capabilities and wants change rapidly as they explore their own emotions, minds and bodies. I’m moving toward shedding as many expectations as possible towards my children. (please note that setting healthy boundaries and keeping our children safe is a completely different topic that I may explore in another post)
The primary way of children learning is to test boundaries. I’m going to let this sink in for a moment… The primary way of children learning is to test boundaries. In the example above, my 4 year old is simply testing the boundary to see if brushing her teeth is still necessary. She could be playing instead so why not test daddy and see if she can bail out of it? She is not misbehaving, she is not being naughty and she is not being difficult. Testing and retesting is part of every child’s evolutionary program. So, I just simply remind her that her teeth will hurt if she doesn’t wash them and the more she helps the faster she can go play. I never forget to compliment her when she is helping in getting her teeth brushed. I’m not always successful and I’m not always calm, and that’s OK.
I have condensed the above two key truths into a short but powerful practice. It puts me in a state that brings out my best parenting. Before I go pick up my children, I sit down for a few minutes and remind myself of the impermanent nature if my children. In my mind’s eye, I allow them to change their mind, change their behaviors, moods or feelings whenever they choose to. Next, I remind myself of their nature to test and retest boundaries. In my mind’s eye, I give them permission to test boundaries while I remain centered, calm and loving, and explain to them the importance of a specific boundary. Lastly, I visualize their joy as they run around our home and their excitement for seeing me at pick up time. I make their joy the prism I see them through. I visualize my kids play and experiment with their emotions, behaviors and boundaries, and experience the pure joy of exploration.
Let me know your experience in the comments or if I have triggered any reflections on your life.
Journey to feel 