Journey to feel

Behavior change

If you want to shape your world I suggest you start with educating yourself on human behavior change. I read a book a long time ago and the steps have remained with me even though I no longer remember the title or author. I found a BetterUp blog post giving a decent summary on the subject: https://www.betterup.com/blog/behavior-change.

I see understanding how we are wired as an important part of growth. I find that being able to track my progress and understanding why certain thoughts and emotions emerge help me grant myself grace when inevitable setbacks occur.

Deeper dive

I would like to expand on the Action stage a little bit. I see four distinct steps within the action stage and knowing these helped me tremendously:

1. I’m able to pinpoint my mistake or undesired behavior some time after the event while reflecting on my actions or thoughts
2. I’m able to identify in the moment the behavior I would like to change but I’m still unable to implement new behavior
3. I’m able to catch myself just before my action and consciously replace it with what I see best
4. Practice step three, preferably daily, for a period of two weeks so the new behavior becomes automatic

There are plenty of materials available on behavior change and I encourage you to explore the ones that catch your attention. From here on, I would like to focus on some key factors that helped me change my behavior.

Personal experiences and perspective

Practices

Granting grace to myself has, probably, had the single biggest impact on my wellbeing. Start putting yourself first, today, and forgive yourself all of your mistakes. We are all doing our best with what we have and what we are capable of. We are just beautiful, messy, and imperfect human beings. Seeing, accepting, and making peace with these facts have brought me profound relief. I stopped expecting perfection from myself. I stopped beating myself up for mistakes. It turns out that a huge portion of my stress was coming from the pressure I was putting on myself. Instead, I focus on giving unconditional love to the sensitive, playful and energetic being that I am.

The people we surround ourselves with have a huge impact on our lives, health, growth and general wellbeing. Who are your people? What environments do you thrive in? Who do you want to become? What activities bring you joy? Define your circle and reach for it actively. Use MeetUp, eventbrite, Facebook, Instagram, Bumble, or any other platform to reach for the people you would like to be around. I heavily favor in person interaction over social media. Online tools get me access to the physical spaces where I can connect with people. Surround yourself with people that lift you up and be ready to say no to the company of people who drag you down.

I’m a different person when I move my body. Take care of your body and have an exercise routine. I already shared mine in a previous blog post and you can read about it here.

Our breath is extremely powerful. My first breathwork experience was less than a year ago. It was transformational. I was able to process and let go of emotions that have been haunting me for years. Explore what type of breathwork resonates with you. I recommend Envision Breathwork. Alex is fantastic.

Inner child work allowed me to access past events that have been determining my behavior from my subconscious. I’ve been able to address critical past experiences, gain comfort and set a new direction for myself through inner child work.

I’m prone to live my life going from one task to the other. I used to find safety in being busy but I eventually realized I hadn’t been truly present most of the time. I found it incredibly helpful to have fewer commitments and plans. This allows me to connect with my body, my true-self in the moment, and feel into what next activity is right for me. I simply close my eyes, take a deep breath, and listen to my intuition on what is calling me in the present.

Demonstrate your strengths to yourself so you remind yourself of your powers and gain confidence in them. I packed up one weekend and went to Big Bend for a 2 night, 2 day intense hike including 15 miles and 3,000 feet elevation change per day. I was able to bring balance to myself through matching my emotional and mental exhaustion with physical exhaustion. I also demonstrated to myself that I’m a strong, tenacious, and independent man.

Change process

Knowing is half the battle. If you are struggling or you are experiencing any type of pain get help now. I’ve been going to therapy for years and I’m going to keep going for many more. I have a close knit circle of friends who I can confine in and I regularly ask for their support and time. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if you get a coach, see your doctor, talk to friends, or find a therapist. Just take action.

Set a clear path or destination for yourself. For example: “I want to live in a healthy and fulfilling relationship”. I’m, personally, on a journey of self-exploration and self-love today. It doesn’t matter if you set goals or directions. However, make sure you have one and it’s well defined. This doesn’t have to be one of your first steps. My first goal was simply to be better.

Attempts at quickly making major shifts in behavior simply don’t work for me. I like the approach of taking small steps, celebrating my victories, and granting myself grace when I inevitably have setbacks. This way, I’m able to continue on my path when something doesn’t go well.

The ability to see myself as a set of previously learned programs was liberating. This view empowered me to change the programs where I saw fit and led me to a life of self-reflection. I recently started meditating and found that it boost my connection with my emotions, my ability to focus, and my ability to see myself more objectively. I encourage you to start a meditation practice and see if it’s a good fit for you.

Please leave me a comment with your experiences around changing behavior.