I’m returning to parenting after spending two weeks away from my children. During my time away, I had the chance to observe and compare my parenting style with someone else’s. It struck me how strongly parents often wish their child or their circumstances were different: “I wish I had more time for myself,” “Why is she whining and demanding constant attention?” or “I wish I could be alone with you right now.”
When I’m with my children, I try to surrender to the moment, giving myself completely to them. I let go of my longing for time with my lover, uninterrupted focus for work, and hopes for greater independence from my children.
When I’m yearning to be elsewhere or with someone else, parenting feels like a struggle; but when I let go of those desires, it transforms into bliss and joy. In those moments, I deeply connect with the laughter on my son’s face and the joy dancing across my daughter’s.
I do feel resistance. Sometimes, I try to avoid the moment by burying myself in chores and duties instead of fully giving myself to my children. I note these thoughts and let them go. I remind myself that while my well-being comes first, my children are my next highest priority. Chores and duties can wait until they are playing independently, allowing me to focus on the twinkle in their eyes, the sound of their laughter, and their joy in play. In those moments, I connect with them at a whole new level. I demonstrate to them that they are wanted and loved.
Just yesterday, we spent 20 minutes cuddling and playing on the couch. Our time was rich in connection and full of giggles. I sat in the middle, with one child lying on their back on either side of me. They would kick or throw my hands and arms into the air, then excitedly wait to see if they would fall or stay up. I mixed it up occasionally to keep the game fun. I think this simple game perfectly illustrates how joyful play with our children can be.
I don’t always succeed—in fact, I fail many times along the way—but moments like these keep me coming back to fully surrendering to parenting.
Journey to feel 